She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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