I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My feet surprised me
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