I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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