i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
