dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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