whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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