my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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