I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
