ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Porn is love you can see.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
