Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
