thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
