So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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