just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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