I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
