I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
