Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
