I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
