We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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