he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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