I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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