There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
