I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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