y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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