So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think my fart just growled at me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
