some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
