I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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