dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
