Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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