He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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