Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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