didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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