I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
