Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The Olympian is in my bed