Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks