it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
