like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras