You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity