I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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