why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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