so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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