guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
