My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
