You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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