On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
