you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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