A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
