One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
