remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
