Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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