We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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