just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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