i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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