Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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