Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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