I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
