its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
