We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
