I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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