my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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