Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
