Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
