For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
