Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
