Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
