I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
