i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
