I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
