It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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