Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
