i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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