Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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