You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
