you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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