Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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