I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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