Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
