I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
