I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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