I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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