White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize