and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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