so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it glows. i had to have it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
