How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
