Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
