but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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