Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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