My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
