party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
